


baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight (I love cheap thrills)

by anonshakespeare



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Multi, Stripper/Cuddler For Hire AU, fvsummer2016, my second published fic wowzers, this is an AU so Ronnie is alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:45:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7886269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonshakespeare/pseuds/anonshakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Flashvibe Summer 2016<br/>Day 1: AU Day (Stripper/Cuddle For Hire AU)</p><p>Thunk. “Fuck!” he heard the younger man say from underneath him after hitting his head on edge of the chair he was sitting on.<br/>Cisco didn’t even bother saying anything at that point, just sat on the chair with his hands gripping the (surprisingly plush) sides of the chair and the Flash curled up on the floor, not saying anything.<br/>After a few moments where the only noise that could be heard was the pounding bass of the music playing outside the door, he said quietly, “I’m going to guess this is your first time stripping, right?”<br/>“Shut up,” the man on the floor groaned in his normal voice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight (I love cheap thrills)

_This was a really,_ really, _big mistake._

“This was a really big mistake, Ronnie.”

“C’mon, Cisco,” the groom-to-be responded, still looking at the men and women on the stage undressing sensually to Beyonce (which he felt was both a disrespect to the Queen and appropriate considering the lyrics). “It’s my Bachelor Party! This is my last look at strippers as a man who is single in the eyes of the government!”

“Oh please, Ronald,” Professor Stein snorted into his wineglass, only taking quick and disgusted glances at people onstage, “You are so in love with Caitlin that I doubt you are actually attracted to any of the people on stage.” Ronnie looked like he was prepared to argue, but at a raised eyebrow from the white haired man, he fell back into his seat and shook his head up and down solemnly. “Now, I need to find a stronger alcohol to get me through all of this… Nakedness. Please tell me when we leave for the science part of the evening.” With that, he stood up and walked over to the bar, his shirt and vest sticking out like a sore thumb amidst all the half naked people around him.

Ronnie shook his head and said, “That’s what I get for making the two of you my best men. Neither of you are any fun.”

Cisco snorted. “Please, Ronnie, you _wish_ you could be as fun as I am. The only reason I think this is a mistake is because I am going to be very hungover on your wedding day, and I don’t think your future Mrs. Raymond will be very happy if I walk her down the aisle with sunglasses on.”

The older man shook his head fondly with a smile and said, “That’s my Cait. And besides, if you can cuddle with strangers when you’re hungover, I think you can handle walking down a single aisle for like, two minutes.”

Cisco shook his head in disbelief. “There are so many things wrong with that. One,” he began ticking it off on his fingers, “it is not legally allowed to be called _cuddling_ , it is called emotional touch therapy. The difference makes me a more of a doctor and less of a weird creep. Second, _emotional touch therapy_ doesn’t require much more movement than it takes to move from the living room in my house to my guest bedroom, which in an apartment that small is like, two steps, _maybe_. And C… I don’t have anything for C, other than she’s not actually your Cait until tomorrow at 2 PM.”

“... You’re getting drunker at this point aren’t you?”

Cisco groaned and leaned forward onto his knees. “I’m just tipsy, _Ronald_ , and tired of your bullshitting my side job.”

“Oh, good!” Ronnie replied cheerfully, taking another sip of his single beer (because despite his protestations Caitlin would probably not marry him if he was actually hungover tomorrow). “Because that would make the next part of the night a total bummer."

It felt like a cold water bucket sloshed its way over Cisco’s head, sobering him up in an instant. “What are you talking about, man?”

He smirked behind the lip of his beer and said, “You’ll see.” At this point, he was not even hiding the fact that he was looking for someone and _oh my god how did I not notice this before_.

“This is not another one of those ‘great surprises’ of yours, is it? Cuz if it is, need I remind you that the last time you did this, you accidentally reintroduced me to my ex?”

“Hey, to be fair, I had no idea that she had a boyfriend. Or that said boyfriend would have biceps the size of watermelons.” He shook his head like he was clearing water out of it. “But no, this surprise is _definitely_ better than the last one, trust me.”

 _Oh god please no,_ Cisco thought. Outwardly, he could only manage a groan. “Why, why do you hate me, Ronnie? I thought we were friends!”

“We are! And friends help out single friends with--well, here he comes now!”

Cisco’s head turned around so fast he probably got whiplash. He knew that Ronnie was probably smirking and talking smugly behind him, but he wouldn’t-- _couldn’t_ look away from the man walking towards them.

He was _tall_ , that’s what Cisco noticed first, tall even at a distance. He was tall and skinny, so skinny that Mrs. Ramon would probably have a heart attack and insist that he _eat some more arroz con pollo, dios mijo, he’s a skeleton_ . His boyish face was folded in what was probably meant to be a seductive look, but just looked like he ate a lemon and was trying to act like it didn’t bother him at all. He was wearing a red speedo with lightning bolts on the sides, a pair of ordinary black trainers, a shit ton of oil and that was it. Cisco didn’t want to admit it, because it would make Ronnie so smug, but the man was _exactly_ his type.

“H-hey, man!” Cisco said, his eyes darting back and forth between Ronnie and the newcomer. “Wha-what can I help you with?” The other man just walked into his space, grabbed his shirt collar, and pulled him up and away. “Uh, Ronnie!” he shouted behind him not looking away from the back of the man’s next where a tattoo read, _Flash_ with a lightning bolt through it.

“Have fun, Cisco!” Ronnie cackled, his voice softer as the Flash pulled him away, onto the dance floor. At some point, the man let go of his collar and grabbed onto his hand. They slid through the gyrating crowd like water on rocks, down a hallway breaking off from the crowd, and into a purple doorway.

When they got into the room, the man closed the door behind them. Tt was pitch black and the Flash pushed Cisco into a chair roughly, causing him to puff out a breath. He heard some soft footsteps, heard the lock click on the door (he gulped at that). Then the room around him was softly illuminated in blue and purple light, enough light that he could kind of make out the objects in the room: a round bed against the wall to his left, to the right a dresser with who knows what in it, and in front of him a -- _oh my god_.

“A pole?!” he whisper shouted to himself, afraid that his voice would crack embarrassingly if he used his voice. “ _Jesús Christo_.”

“You like it?” the Flash said, his voice sounding just a little bit too low and gravelly. He sauntered over from where he was by the light switch to the middle of the room, where the pole stood tall and rigid. “They just added it here, and I must say--” he grabbed it and took one foot off the floor-- “I think that was a good move.” Then he let his weight fall forward into a sp--

 _Clunk_. “Ah, shit!”

Cisco jumped out of his chair and sped over to him, his arms held out ready to catch him if he fainted. “Are you okay, man?”

He let out a forced yeah, “Yeah!” his seductive voice (or whatever) turned off for a moment.

After another tick of silence, he said hesitantly, “Are you sure?”

Cisco saw the moment the Flash realized where he was, and he said robotically in his seductive voice (or whatever), “I’m not gonna be okay until you are enjoying yourself, sir.” He looked up and his eyes were fiercely determined. He started to stalk forward, causing Cisco to walk backwards and fall into the armless chair he had been sitting in before, and _oh that’s why the chair didn’t have arms_ he thought to himself dazedly.

The Flash backed up a little and went on his hands and knees, crawling over to Cisco with hooded eyes looking directly into his. He was so intensely focused on Cisco’s eyes, in fact, that he crawled too close to the chair and Cisco only had time to get out a, “Wait!” before--

 _Thunk_. “Fuck!” he heard the younger man say from underneath him after hitting his head on edge of the chair he was sitting on.

Cisco didn’t even bother saying anything at that point, just sat on the chair with his hands gripping the (surprisingly plush) sides of the chair and the Flash curled up on the floor, not saying anything.

After a few moments where the only noise that could be heard was the pounding bass of the music playing outside the door, he said quietly, “I’m going to guess this is your first time stripping, right?”

“Shut up,” the man on the floor groaned in his normal voice.

“Hey, there’s no judgement here, man.” And then Cisco had a brilliant idea. Now, granted, it wasn’t an “award winning engineering project that got him a job at STAR Labs” brilliant, or the “let’s cuddle strangers for cash to work on extra projects at home” brilliant, but still, it was up on the list. “How about we head to bed?”

A beat of silence. The Flash slowly got up from under the couch, his face a few shades darker than before and his eyes wide. “Um.”

Cisco sighed and got up. He walked over to the bed, took off his shoes, and laid down on top of the covers. He asked, “Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?”

Bemusement covered the other man’s face as he uttered out a, “Huh?”

“No, wait, you need comfort, so little spoon, duh!” He lifted the covers to his left and patted the spot enticingly. “C’mon, man. Wait, what’s your name?”

He walked over to the bed slowly and sat down on the edge by Cisco’s feet, looking up to meet his eyes. “Uh, Barry. I’m sorry, what are we doing, exactly?”

Cisco raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “One, that’s a terrible fake name to pick, you sound like an old man. Two, I am going to cuddle you, because you are obviously stressed beyond belief right now.”

The Fla-- _Barry’s_ eyebrows furrowed. “Are you serious? You are aware that your friend paid me to do this, right? I don’t wanna steal his money or anything by not… Ya know.”

“Okay, then, so we’re discussing this.” Cisco sat up and looked at him intently. “I work as a cuddler for hire, essentially. If you give me, like, half of what Ronnie paid you, then we will be even.”

“But I didn’t even do anything! I just walked you in here and messed up. A lot.”

“Yeah, well believe, you walking me in here did _plenty_ for me.”

Barry’s face went two shades darker again, and he said a soft, “Oh.”

“So will you please get under the covers and let me cuddle you and talk about life and stuff?” Cisco wasn’t going to say that the cuddling was what he would’ve preferred in the first place, but it definitely seemed like a good idea now.

After a few moments of hesitation, Barry kicked off his trainers and crawled under the covers. As Cisco curled himself to be the big spoon, he seemed to relax a little bit every second. A couple minutes later and he sighed contentedly, fully relaxing and even snuggling further into Cisco.

“So,” Cisco said quietly, “you come here often?” That got a huffed laugh out of Barry. “No, but seriously man, why are you doing this man?”

“It’s a long story.”

“How long did Ronnie pay you for?  
“About an hour?”

“Then we got plenty of time.”

***

**Author's Note:**

> so the Barry and Iris work at this strip club, right? except Barry is a bartender (who is known for getting drinks out onto the bar in a FLASH) and when Iris complains about how hard being a stripper is he says "it looks easy to me" so they make a bet to see who can do whose job for a day without flopping.  
> obviously Iris won that one, though Barry will later argue that he was the one who beat her because after their cuddle session, Barry and Cisco trade numbers and go on dates and fall in love. Iris will just roll her eyes, call him a sap, and be grateful that he finally found some happiness in his life.  
> Ronnie is just glad that his man got a man so Caitlin doesn't yell at him to help Cisco get some anymore.
> 
> So this is only my second fic, and for me to put it out even as late as I did I had to cut it short, so here is all the stuff you missed from the fic itself. I don't know when I'll get around to the other ones I wanted to do, but I will try to do all of them. :) Anyway, comments are my life blood, and I shout triumphantly when I get a kudos, so if you wouldn't mind leaving one or both of those, that would be awesome!  
> The title is from the song Cheap Thrills by Sia. Listen to it while reading this and everything is better


End file.
